久しぶりに老師を訪ねて浜松の西見寺に赴いた。坐禅堂で坐り一柱を終え、二柱目の坐禅が始まるやいなや、独参を開始を告げる振鈴の音が禅堂に響く。
独参というのは、老師と一対一で、修行の者の質問や思ったことを述べ、それに対する、あるいは全く異なったご返答などをいただく、軽い言い方をすると個別指導のようなもの。西見寺の老師とこのような機会に恵まれている私は、なんと幸せものか。
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一呼吸になりきる
坐禅中は、私のような初心者は、呼吸だけに集中しろ、一呼吸に成りきれ、と指導されるが、これが思ったよりはるかに難しい（私の場合は）。気づいたらつい何かを頭の中で考えている。気づけばまた意識を呼吸だけに戻せばいいので、そうするのだけど、数秒もしないうちにまた、何かを考えている。
何かを考えていると、それがいつの間にか映像になり、夢を見ている状態になり、下手すると寝てしまう。いや、寝入ることはないのだけど、それに近い状態にはなる。
独参にて、このことを相談すると「坐禅する時間だけ、呼吸になり切ろうとしても、それは無理じゃ。坐ってない時も、禅なんじゃよ」とのこと。普段の暮らしの中でも、今、ここの事実に生きる。
ということなんだけど、まあ、なかなか難しい。意識は、今、ここ、ではなく、いつかの、あそこ、に行ってしまう。
矛盾の先に、真実がある？ いや、矛盾なんてない、その手前に事実がある
坐禅を二柱終え、この夜は、老師とそのご家族と、食事を共にした。
この時間もとても貴重だ。僕は、普段は飲まないお酒を少しだけいただきながら、禅に関わる話、そうでない話を楽しく行う。
その時、私が、矛盾の先に真実があるのではないか、という話をしたら、老師から見事なご回答をいただいた。
ここにそれを書きたいのだけど、少し長くなるので、これはまた、別の機会に譲りたい。
本日は、この辺りで。終わりとします。では、また。
After a long time, I went to Saimiji temple in Hamamatsu, Japan to visit Roshi（old priest）. I sat in the zazen hall, and as soon as the second zazen started, I heard the sound of a bell signaling the start of solitary visitation in the zendo. echoes.
One-on-one with the old master, a solitary attendee is a practitioner who asks questions or expresses his thoughts, and then responds to Or, to put it lightly, it was like a tutorial, where I received a completely different response. What a blessing it is for me to have this kind of opportunity to work with the master of Saimiji.
I am one with my breath.
During zazen, beginners like me are instructed to concentrate only on the breath, to become one breath. This is much harder than I thought (for me). I find myself thinking about something in my head. If I notice, I just need to bring my consciousness back to just breathing again, so I do, but within seconds, I'm back to I'm thinking about something.
When you're thinking about something, before you know it, it becomes an image and you're dreaming, and if you're not good at it, you're sleeping I'm going to do it. I don't fall asleep, but I do get close to it.
When I consulted with a Zen master about this, he told me, "Even if I try to become the breath for the time of zazen, it is impossible. So," he said, "even when you are not sitting, you are Zen. Even when you are not sitting, you are Zen," he said.
Even in our daily lives, we should live in the here and now.
That's what he meant, but it's not easy. It's not about the here and now, but about the there and the hereafter.
Beyond the contradictions, is there truth? No, there is no contradiction, there is a fact before it.
After finishing the two columns of zazen, I had a dinner with Roshi and his family that night.
This time is also very precious. I had a little bit of alcohol, which I don't usually drink, and we talked about Zen-related and non-Zen topics in a pleasant way. Do.
At that time, I mentioned that there may be truth beyond the contradictions, and I received a brilliant response from the old master.
I want to write about that here, but it's going to be a little long, so I'll leave that for another time.
That's about all I have to say for today.
I'll see you soon.